Here I sit, today is Freedom Day and I’m am counting down the days, in fact hours until I leave. All the forms have been filled out and all the documents have been read. All the sessions are over and all the films have been watched. I have my passport and my copies of various I.D.’s ready and waiting to be packed. I even have an outfit picked out for the day I leave.
All this preparation has been necessary for the journey I’m about to embark on. And yet, for some unknown reason I feel as if my mind is still unprepared for what I’m about to experience. I’ve read books and researched events. I am currently reading ‘Escape from Sobibor’ by Richard Rashke. But no matter how much I prepare, I know that nothing will compare to the act of physically going to all these places. I acknowledge that this trip will stir cobwebbed emotions that I have let lay sound asleep for a time.
As a person who goes to a non-Jewish high school, and also being the only person travelling from Durban, I know that the toll of the trip will be one that I cannot expect empathy for. Realistically I know that I will be able to stay in contact with the plethora of personalities I meet on the trip, but ideally I would have had someone who would not only have a mutual understanding of the trip but better yet, someone I’d physically be able to see. Nevertheless, that is not something I should ponder too much about, it is a way away and I will surely be able to find closure through another method. As for now, I will continue to read my book and study up on the techniques of Hitler’s pseudo-science.
To be truthful, I have never been so excited and nervous at the same time. The suspense of it all is reaching its peak and at the same time my anxiety is riding on its back. As of right now I have T-minus 105 hours until I board the plane and begin an entirely new aspect of who I am. I am at a loss for words trying to describe my current mentality.